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Monday, November 30th, 2009
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You make me want to live.
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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
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my life is 180 degrees different than it was 3 months ago.
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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
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MMMMM WHACHA SAAAAAAYAAAAAY
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Monday, November 16th, 2009
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breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out
inhale
exhale
inhale
exhale
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Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
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i walked around victoria gardens with the girl from the party that was got on my nerves and hung after work today.
i just got home.
a couple at work today (the last table i had) asked me a bunch of questions about a bunch of things.
their very last question was, "are you a christian"?
i replied with "ohh no i'm not religious"
they said they asked because they could sense that i had a caring soul.
it kind of freaked me out because they looked like normal people...
normal is relative but i think you get my point.
and im not talking about just their physical appearance... it includes body language, tone of voice, nature of the questions they ask me, etc.
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Friday, November 6th, 2009
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i had this one couple come in today and sit at table 12.
they were probably around 24 or 25 years old... the guy had a texan accent... you could tell the girl used an eyelash curler when she put on her mascara but it wasn't all clumpy ... it looked good.
they were extremely polite... they both smiled and giggled at each other the entire time they were there.
they also sat next to each other instead of across from each other.
i don't get a lot of couples that sit next to each other.
after placing all of their food on the table, they both held hands, closed their eyes, bowed their heads, and began to pray.
all i could think was "wow, that's really awesome"
not that they were praying, but the both of them were on the same wavelength.
i think it's also really awesome to see that both of them shared a very strong belief in something.
i think it'd be more awesome to see two people with that strong of a faith in themselves and each other.
i've only dated one person that had the same ideas about death and the universe and religion.
i think it's good to experience or entertain another point of view, but i also think it's good to listen to your point of view come out of another person's mouth. especially with little bits and pieces added and subtracted.
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Thursday, November 5th, 2009
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remember, remember the 5th of november...
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Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
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the wackness is on.
i really like this movie.
94 was one of the best years for hip hop.
"what are you in here for?"
"i stabbed my wife in the pussy"
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Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
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"boy,
Sometimes I pretend that I can’t hear you, so that you have to repeat yourself. I like the sound of your voice.
Sometimes I pretend I didn’t see you pass by me and wave, so you have to walk back and try again. I like the sight of your face.
Sometimes I pretend I don’t know that it’s you standing behind me, covering my eyes, so that you have to stay close a little while longer.
— girl"
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Monday, November 2nd, 2009
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bitch needs a tall glass of sit the fuck down.
a glass probably isn't enough...
bottle*
i talked to oliver today.
he's been trying to call me and i've been trying to call him.
and i found out why.
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LOL.
I would choose the hour where you decided you weren't going to be my friend anymore and make you change your mind.
I think I've had a lot of hours like that. and i think that i've taken a lot of actions to alienate myself from others.
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i passed out with my clothes on last night.
i don't remember it happening.
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Saturday, October 31st, 2009
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an 80+yr old man meowed at me at work... i gave him a really dirty look because i was supposed to be a raccoon
some guy tried to get me to come over to his house after work and when i asked him how he wanted his eggs, he told me "on your face"... i asked him how much money he had in his pocket and it shut him up. his friend repeatedly asked me for a beer and refused to drink anything else so I brought him a water and told him he needed it more than a beer.
ernesto pulled me into the closet and told me i need to tip out the dishwasher/busser (one person) on the weekdays... i said that i am not tipping someone if i have to buss my own tables and put all the dishes away.
maria tried to tell me the same thing.
i should've taken donna's advice and came to work dressed as Invisible Woman.
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Friday, October 30th, 2009
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it's been a strange week.
i kind of want to erase everything i've written but i won't because that's not right.
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Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
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I think I need to isolate myself from the world for a few months so that I can learn to appreciate the company of other people.
I don't think it's going to work.
I keep getting this feeling. It comes and goes. I get short of breath and dizzy... can't see straight and i get this pain in my chest. Then I feel like I am going to puke... and then it goes away.
It happened a few minutes ago it happened a lot last night...
tommorrow im figuring out plane tickets for thanksgiving/christmas.
today im cleaning and organizing and maybe hair dying.
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GET TO THEH CHAPPAH!
I didn't go to sleep.
I went to go hang out with internet people.
Which was kind of boring and somewhat annoying because everyone was drunk and on the internet.
And there were a lot of girls there.
This one was really drunk and I kind of wanted to lift her legs up over her head, use the balcony as a wedge, and throw her off the balcony and I'm not going to go into anymore detail as to what I would have happened because I didn't do it.
Because I got soft.
I don't talk shit on people anymore I just think shit on people and I think it's really holding me back.
Instead starting a fight with this drunk bitch I decided to be twice as nice as I was to everyone else to her...
and I guess normally I'm not really a "nice" person so I guess this means I was being nice to her.
when i could have talked mad shit and gotten a face full of tits and a handful of hair.
Anyways.
I got soft.
Dave and Tommy called me out on it.
Ray has been calling me out on it for a long long time.
I haven't really been in a talkative mood lately.
There are 2 people, wait three, people that I would really like to talk to but then get frustrated when they do talk to me...
Anyways, I want to go see my brother at Thanksgiving but my dad wants me here at thanksgiving but we fight every holiday without fail and i don't want to see a police helicopter in the front yard again... creating a dilemma.
so.
right now it's hard to take anything or anyone seriously right now.
i really am questioning this whole reality thing pretty fucking hard.
i have also decided to set sail and get the hell out of dodge permanently before the winter sets in.
and when i say permanently i mean never come back.
i have 3 places in mind and about 2 weeks after Christmas to finalize it, but I've been hittin the books and this all seems pretty fail proof.
as long as everything goes according to the clock.
i don't think i'll tell anyone where i am going, or where i am when i get there...
sometimes i think someone's location really doesn't matter because you can be there with them or completely on the opposite side of everything from them in a few hours time.
i really don't think you miss someone more when you're 1000 miles away from them as opposed to when you're 40 minutes away from them.
this kind of sounds jumbled and rambling...
when i think of what i just wrote i get the visual of a track runner doing hurdles but tripping over them and instead of getting up and continuing to run they try and put the hurdle back into place then brush the dirt off their legs before picking up the speed again.
I need to put on pants.
But I don't want to put on pants.
I find myself in this sort of situation a lot.
Um.
A lot of times I also feel like someone has hacked off my right arm and they don't plan on returning it ever and even if they did it wouldn't work the same and a fake one or a different one would never work as well...
so i'm trying to get used to just not having an arm instead of trying anything else but it doesn't seem to be working out.
but it's all an illusion.
I'm tired of getting burned.
So I'm probably going to great extremes to avoid playing with fire.
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Monday, October 26th, 2009
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I can't stop crying.
I think I am going to start a new journal.
I'm going back to sleep.
I hope I don't wake up until a million years have passed.
sleep is almost like pressing pause or fast forward on cassette player.
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I went to Isabel's halloween party on sat and since I had to drive, Ray had 4 apple martinis and a pacifico.
I had never seen him drunk before and I hope it doesn't happen again.
I just woke up after 17 hours and I am very thankful I don't remember my dreams.
You could probably say that the next 2 months are going to define...
well...
Im just going to stop.
When I was younger I always hoped that I would be able to use a time machine before I died.
Ive come to the conclusion that this isn't going to happen.
This disappoints me.
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Friday, October 23rd, 2009
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sometimes i wish there was an on/off button for dreams.
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